I think I have mentioned before that I don’t particularly enjoy writing. One of the reasons I started this blog is to hopefully get better at is (mostly just through doing it more), and maybe actually learn to like it. However, for that to work I actually have to post. It has been over a month since my last post, so I guess I am not doing such a great job. Granted, I have still yet to leave the country, but there are things I have been doing and thinking that I wanted to document on my blog. I’d like to blame my lack of blogging on being busy living life, but the bottom line is you can always decide to make time if you want to. Basically, I am a huge procrastinator (and not afraid to admit it). For example, I am about to leave the country for a year in less than I week and I still do not know where I will be staying for a single day of that trip and there is not a single thing in my suitcase (a fact that is clearly a point of anxiety for my mother).
Anyway, I am sure everything will fall into place and work out. I tend to do better under pressure anyway (or at least work more efficiently). The thing is I think my tendency to procrastinate is linked to my perfectionist nature. You see, I like the idea of having a blog. I like the idea more than the act of actually blogging, but I want my blog to be perfect. Not in the sense that my posts will be completely enlightening and full of humor because I have no delusions that will be the case. Mostly I like the idea of having a blog that chronicles all the awesome experiences I will have in the next year. I want to be able to look back after my Fulbright grant is over and remember all the exciting, and the not-so-exciting, things that happened. The problem is, when I fail to write about something that I think would be perfect for my blog, I then feel like I can’t write anything else until I go back and talk about whatever it was that I didn’t share. Then what happens is the longer I wait, the less I remember and the less I want to write about. Yet for some reason, I hold on the idea that it “needs” to be in my blog.
The point is my plan for the next week (we’ll see if I follow through or procrastinate some more) is to catch up on all the things I wanted to blog about from this summer before I leave to start my real adventure. I hope to write a bunch of posts and then release them once a day. I am aware of the fact that some people follow through email I do not want to overwhelm their inboxes by posting an absurd amount all at once.
Interesting story…(ok it’s not that interesting)…a week or two ago I wrote up a post about the Fulbright Pre-Departure Orientation I went to in Washington, DC. You’ll notice said post has not actually made it to my post. That would be my irrational perfectionism again. I saved it as a draft thinking that I would then go back and edit it and make it better before sharing it with the world (and by the world I mean the handful of people who might, possibly, by chance, someday read my blog). My other reason for not posting it was that there were still other things I wanted to talk about from this summer that had taken place prior to the orientation. If I published it my blog would be out of order. Here’s the deal: my blog will always be far from perfect, in fact I’m sure most people will think it is a complete waste of time for them to read (please excuse the self-deprecation), but I am going to keep posting. My goal is to keep up with my blog and keep sharing even if I’m not always 100% proud of what I have to share. There is always room for improvement, but if I focus on that too much, I will never do anything will my life. Sometimes you have to let go, take a risk, and decide to put you foot forward…even if it is not your “best” foot.
I’d be really interested to hear other people’s thoughts on the connection between procrastination and perfectionism. I know there is a fair amount of psychological research out there that I find fascinating. Feel free to share your own experiences by commenting!
My Fulbright Experience 